No word prompt today as I’ve just got some things on my mind that I can witter on about!
I’ve been in hospital a lot in my life but this time has been different. I never get nervous because I always know as soon as I get the treatment I need that I’ll be okay, but this time I wasn’t. I’m doing so much better now and hopefully will be out soon, but on Sunday I genuinely feared for my life. It sounds dramatic and a bit daft but I felt by body give up and I had to force every breath. It was a really odd feeling. I was scared but not of pain or anything but I started thinking about who would have my horse when I go and how it would work when they sold my house and logistics which is weird. But I don’t think you know how you’ll react till you think there’s an actual possibility you could die.
Physically I feel miles better and I’m so so excited to go home but I feel a bit melancholy. All my efforts are focussed on leaving and I feel a bit like, but what then? I go back to normal life, work; it seems so menial. Maybe I’m just tired and a bit overwhelmed by everything I’ve been through but I just feel a bit deflated.
On the other hand I’m so lucky. The care I received on intensive care was unbelievable, I couldn’t have asked for nicer people and they just made a difficult situation easier. I salute you nurses of Warrington! My family and friends have been amazing too, thank you guys. I know you’ll be reading and I love you. There’s been some surprises too I guess. Some people in life who you expected to care haven’t, and some who you didn’t realise cared so much really do. It’s an odd one but worth remembering who’s really there when shit hits the fan.
Ugh this is such a mopey post, I’ll get my little violin out while I’m here ey! I’m sorry the blog hasn’t been what it’s usually for recently, not really how I envisioned June coming to an end.
For now, I’m going to rest, try and go asleep and fingers crossed I’ll feel a bit more chipper tomorrow.
Till then x