So about a year ago I wrote a post on self-esteem, body confidence and the media. I looked at how the current age of social media and unrealistic perfectionism infects us into striving to be something which is unobtainable. It’s annoying but something I’ve never personally felt too pressured by.
Interestingly when I wrote that first post I was at the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’d been put on an ancient, now barely used antidepressant that made me retain water like nobody’s business. Because I was bigger anyway I thought well sod it I may as well eat what I want if I’m fat anyway! So I ballooned into someone that I didn’t recognise. I came off the meds (which is a whole other story) and joined slimming world. I lost just under 2 stone and I felt brilliant! I felt healthier, I had more energy, my skin cleared up and I was comfortable in how I looked too.
Fast forward to now and I was recently really unwell with my lungs and I’ve been on steroids for 5 weeks with another 4 weeks to go till I’m fully weaned off. Steroids are known for both making you retain water and also for increasing your appetite. Pair that with not being allowed to exercise yet and the results are pretty obvious. I had a follow up appointment today in hospital where I was weighed and unsurprisingly I’ve put on a stone in the last 4 weeks. Not a huge shock because wow have I been eating! I’ve also felt my clothes tighten and my chins quadruple. Although I’m unhappy with my body right now, more than anything it’s that I just don’t feel myself. That’s so vague and wishy-washy I know, but I look in the mirror and I just don’t look like me. I feel like someone’s taken an air pump and blown me up and it’s distorted things. It’s not so much that I don’t like the way I look; I don’t like the way I feel about it.
SO action is needed! Dieting isn’t for everyone and I don’t believe in fad diets or quick fixes. Slimming world really worked for me last time because it’s more of a lifestyle change. I eat loads more veg when I’m on it and much less snacks. I also drink a lot more water which can only ever be a good thing. Although I won’t be going to group each week, I’ll be having home weigh ins, following recipes and counting my syns! I used to be really into fitness and I lived in the gym I worked in at the time. But that too is a lifestyle and a commitment I don’t have time for right now. So instead when I get the okay from the doctor I’ll be running again. Throwing this out on to the internet so I have to stick to it!
If you have had a similar experience or feelings or any motivational inspo or tips, get in touch and let me know!
Till next time x